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1. Any chump can put a char on a hot dog. Testing a website takes a little more than coming up with hundreds of variables to test on a single page. Use your time to understand what variables would actually make a difference with your site visitors.
2. Slow work days call for DIY optimization work. You don’t have to wait for outside consultants to tell you how to implement small changes in your website. Take some initiative.
3. A tan should be the sum of your summer experience not a bullet point on your to do list. Conversion optimization for ecommerce is an ongoing process. Forget about doing one optimization project and thinking that you are done. There is more room for improvement.
4. So you think you know a lot about your customers, but when was the last time you talked to them? Sure you can conduct online surveys and ask for feedback via email, but there is nothing as good as watching customers experience your website first hand.
5. In case you did not get the memo, using flash in your design are out. They bore your visitors and don’t help your conversion rates. If you are still using flash on your site, suck it up and ask your designers to replace with static images!
6. And if you missed the memo from last year, if you are not a designer then don’t try to design your ecommerce website. You end up with an ugly child that no one has the heart to tell you the truth about.
7. The economy is going south and everyone is talking about a recession. It is time to attract new customers and keep old ones with real promotions. I know every penny helps, but do you really think that a 5% discount is going to make jump to place an order with you?
8. No one likes a backseat driver. If someone else is trying a new marketing program, let them do it themselves without providing your invaluable advice. After all there is a one man quote per car, and one manager quote per project.
9. A 10 minute workout in the morning will not get you in amazing shape. Doing one quick round of testing is useless. Have the foresight for a multi-month plan for optimization will help get you in those skinny jeans in no time.
10. Super models are just like High conversion rates. Super models date surfers and those who are willing to take risks. High conversion rates are not going to happen without taking some real risks and investing in your site.
11. Free online forums are great for exchanging ideas but they are also a stew of bandages and scabs! Don’t take all your knowledge and strategy from Joe Shmoe who might sound knowledgeable but is still in high school.
12. Lift the blinders rock star. Yes your company might be great at many things but there is always something to learn from your competition.
13. Bonus from a reader! Sex on the beach is a disappointment, both the drink and the act. But it must be tried at least once. Some of your marketing programs will fail, some will miserably fail. But you will never know until you try them out.
These rules were inspired by Bill Maher’s weekly new rules round up on HBO and articles published in Men’s Health.
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